Going to Tioman in a few hours’ time but I guess I am feeling rather down now.
Perhaps its the non-stop listening to Sun Yan Zi’s 當冬夜漸暖.
Perhaps its my exercise and diet regime and the no-effects.
Perhaps there is really something weighing on my mind. It’s a feeling so familiar but also a feeling that I have not been experiencing for many years. Then the lyrics of the song starts to realise:
当冬夜渐暖 当大海也不再那么蓝
当月色的纯白变得阴暗
那只是代表快乐不再那么简单
the time when i feel that i haven really been heartily happy ever since I entered uni. Like there is a mask. Like there is always something at the back of me. Worrywart.
Will it affect CD?
wat else have i been procrastinating for CD stuff?
Is this applicable to CD?
Will laoshi they all feel uncomfortable?
Can I sustain myself?
Will I be able to pursue my other interests?
Am I spending enough time at home?
Studies?
I dunno if all these are making me less appreciative of everything that is happening around me. Thats why people ask me treat them food etc, I definitely ok. Studies and CD are definitely stuff that are manageable for me. Afterall, I have been doing these for years! How can I be not proficient at handling such stuff.
I believe problems come in when there are people’s feelings to take note of. when my feelings are in recycle bin when others are on desktop. Just like 那只是因为悲伤从来 都不会有答案. when you cannot let loose yourself and your feelings.
Perhaps I also do not understand the feelings of people around me.
I always wondered why are we less united even when we are the minority, when we are less popular people. Shouldnt things be like what we studied in books, when people are the minority and when they feel threatened, they become like many many chopsticks?
We are still like tt spilled sand, sticks that are not tied together. Some people even fight to be the good guys, to be the bringer of good news when it clearly doesnt represents. i hope 重要的是 我们如何 爱过那一段
Still, all these are still not the things that are weighing on my mind. It is once again just something deep down that has been made to resurface in me despite lock and key.
Weather outlook: overcast sky to remain for a few days
